I find it hard to talk about this day, but I know we are all MJ fans and that we've all gone through this day here so here goes... And I apologize in advance because this could get lengthy.
(Something I would like to explain before you read this - I'm currently 13, and I was 12 when Michael died. I've loved Michael since 2008, and for most people my age, 'Michael Jackson' is the punchline for perverted jokes, so my love for Michael is a secret to this day. I let my sister know, but she doesnt know I'm still a fan, and I told my grandmother, but she said "He is talented, isnt he? But its a shame what he's done to his face." Since that I didn't mention him to her. So yeah, I keep my grief a secret from my friends and family.)
On June 25th 2009, I woke up a little early because my grandmother was visiting and we had decided we were going to some gardens at a university. So we went to Duke (the school) and spent hours there. I even remember what I was wearing that day - A grey tshirt from my aunts store that says 'Peace Love Sunshine Forever' on it, tan shorts, and Navy Blue Converse (low tops). It was a really hot day and we did a lot of walking. At some point we stopped to have an ice lolly (mine was a Pineapple one) and then later while we were walking my feet started to hurt so I took off my converse, tied the laces together, and put them around my neck. For lunch we went to my favorite restaurant called the Merlion (a Singaporean restaurant) and I had Chicken Rice and a Diet Pepsi. We didnt have dessert. The car ride home, I just remember crying, because I was leaning against my grandmother who was sleeping and I was thinking about what would happen the day she dies, and I felt tears escape from my eyes... We got home around 4, and I took a shower and laid on my bed for a bit. At around 5:00-5:30 my sister came in my room. "Em... I dont know.. it might be a joke..." I was confused about what she was talking about but she led me into my dad's study, where she had just turned on the TV. On the tv was CNN, a picture of michael singing from the Jackson 5 days, and the subheading reading "Michael Jackson Pronounced Dead".. I stood there for a minute...
It must be a joke, it cant be real... I told my sister "Maybe its not real.. But its CNN so its probably true.." At this point I turned around and headed for my room. I turned on my laptop and opened up the Internet. My homepage is MSN and it had a red banner saying he was dead. I went to TMZ and read all i could about it...
I didnt cry until that later that night. I went back to the study to watch Disney with my sister like we did everynight during that summer. I had a smile on my face the whole time. I was putting on a strong face for her. She kept looking at me wearily but we didnt mention it the rest of the night. I didn't sleep that night until 4 in the morning. I was refreshing TMZ over and over again, reading all of the new pages about Michael.
The next day I woke up around 8 in the morning (which is really early for me) and attempted to go downstairs. I was at the top of the stairs when my dad announced loudly "Oh Mickey Jay is dead..." (Meaning Michael). I then returned to my room, I didnt want to come downstairs to discussion about Michael. My mom came in my room around 11:30 and said my grandmother wanted to take me to go bowling, which is one of my favorite things to do. That whole day I kept a smile on my face, ocassionally letting a tiny tear slide down my face. I remember specifically one time when we were at the bowling alley when I was laughing at something my sister did, and then suddenly
'He's Dead' went through my mind, and my eyes started welling up..
Those two days are probably two of the toughest I've ever lived through.
Ever since Michael's passing, I have battled episodes of severe depression, and I started cutting myself. (which I have stopped... Sort of...) I've also 'attempted' suicide a couple times. Not just Michael's passing caused this but it just added to the pile of things that continue to affect me negatively to this very day...
So yeah.. Thats pretty much my story about how I learned about Michael's passing and how it has affected me
NO! have i tried yea
i was on the EDGE
i have a
